Ars Comica - Job Titles Extravaganza - Job Search

One of the most disconcerting experiences while job hunting is to encounter a cryptic jargon underlying obscure terminologies derived from an increasingly more specialized and compartmentalized job market.

For those of you who believe that humor is serendipitous, we have compiled a list of our favorite job titles. Here you’ll find some very original – if not intimidating - qualifiers, as well as suitable jobs in unsuitable locations and the downright bizarre.

All the entries below were taken from actual vacancies advertised in the New York Job Market, and throughout some major Job search engines.

JOB TITLES EXTRAVAGANZA

1 - "TREE CLIMBERS"
(to protect natural resources from exotic pest for the USDA)

2 - "PROMOTER TO THROW COOL PARTIES AT EAST VILLAGE LOUNGE"

3 - "SENIOR AVID ENGINEER/ADMINISTRATOR"

4 - "ENGLISH INSTRUCTOR IN KOREA"

5 - "CONTORTIONIST WANTED"

6 - "RAINMAKER FOR DIGITAL MARKETING LEADER"

7 - "FEARLESS CREATIVE TRAILBLAZER"

8 - "LINEN AIDE"

9 - "IDENTICAL TWINS FOR PHOTO PORTRAIT NEEDED"

10 - "WANTED : FEMALE MODEL WITH NICE BOTTOM (NO NUDITY)"

11 - "TIVOLI EXPERT"

12 - "ANIMAL TECHNICIAN"

13 - "SEEKING BRAZILIAN DRAG QUEEN"

14 - "LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO SEW SKIRTS"

15 - "COGNOS ARCHITECT"

16 - "DISASTER RECOVERY LEADER"

17 - "MEDICAL WRITER NEEDED. MUST BE WILLING TO RELOCATE
TO KUALA LUMPUR, MALASYA"

18 - "JAVA WITH RISK MANAGEMENT"

19 - "PART-TIME MARKET AMBASSADOR"

20 - "BUSSER"

21 - "GENIO DEVELOPER"

22 - "PHONE ACTRESS"

23 - "EDUCATION ADVISOR, KABUL, AFGHANISTAN"

24 - "SENIOR JAVA SWING PROGRAMMER"

25 - "VOICE OVER WORK, X-RATED MATERIAL"

26 - "SOFTWARE DEVELOPER MULTITHREAD REAL TIME C UNIX C+OOD
BROKERAGE MARKET DATA 7796"

27 - "BLUE MARTINI ARCHITECT"

28 - "SAP APO FUNCTIONAL"

29 - "BUMBLE AND BUMBLE SEEKS FREELANCE WEB DESIGNER"

30 – "PUNK ROCK GIRL"

31 – "ANIMO: LOOKING FOR LESSONS FROM AN EXPERIENCED USER."

32 - "ABINITIO DEVELOPER"

33 - "BUSINESSOBJECTS DEVELOPER"

34 - "ARTISTS/ARCHITECTS/BUILDERS INTERESTED IN BUILDING A HUGE CAKE"

35 – "RETOUCHER (EVENINGS)"

36 - "SWEATER DESIGN INTERN (PAID POSITION)"

37 – "GUI DEVELOPER"

38 - "DISASTER RECOVERY TEST COORDINATOR"

39 - "EARN $100.00 IN ONE HOUR JUST FOR BRINGING SOME FRIENDS."

40 – "MS EXCEL GURU."

41 – "WE'VE GOT WORK!"

42 – "SHOT GIRLS (LONG ISLAND, NY)"

43 - "SAP ABAP CONSULTANT"

44 - "UNIX C++ C PERL TALARIAN SMART SOCKETS, XML, JAVA"

45 - "SPOTTERS HELPER NEEDED FOR DRYCLEANERS"

46 - "PORTOGUESE LANGUAGE NEWS TRANSLATOR IN SAO PAULO"

47 - "COMMUNICATION ENGINEERS INTELLIGENT TRANSPORTATION"

48 - "NEED MAN WITH A TRUCK TO DUMP RUBBISH (NEWARK)"

49 - "DOCUMENTUM AND J2EE DEVELOPER"

50 – "MEAT WRAPPERS"

51 - "VOLUNTEERS WITH TYPE 1 DIABETES NEEDED"

52 – "LINEN/ UNIFORM ATTENDANT"

53 – "SENIOR DB2 UDB DBA ADMINISTRATORS"

54 - "ATTRACTIVE WOMEN NEEDED FOR EXTRAS IN ADULT MOVIE (NO NUDITY)"

55 - "EPIPHANY CONSULTANT"

56 - "MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY INSTRUCTOR NEEDED"

57 - "SWORD SWALLOWERS, CONTORTIONISTS & BURLESQUE DANCERS"

58 - "SIEBEL 7 CERTIFIED CONFIGURATOR/ EAI DEVELOPER"

59 - "NEW DEDICATED TRACTOR TRAILER TRUCK DRIVER (NO TOUCH FREIGHT)"

60 - "FULL BENEFITS, GREAT JOB WITH GREAT PAY"

61 - "MOVE A LOVE SEAT FROM LOWER MANHATTAN TO UPPER MANHATTAN TONIGHT"

62 - "UDB EEE DBA CONSULTANT"

63 - "HUNGRY INSIDE SALES REPRESENTATIVE FOR POPULAR COLLEGE RECRUITING SITE"

64 - "CELLPHONE RINGTONE PRODUCER"

65 - "HELP MY FATHER WRITE HIS MEMOIRS"

66 - "LOUNGE IN WILLIAMSBURG LOOKING FOR A BARTENDER"

67 - "PAID GIG - MUSICIAN TO HOST OPEN MIKE"

68 - "DOG TRAINER (ADVANCED OBEDIANCE, AGILITY, FRISBEE, ETC.)"

69 - "NETEGRITY SITEMINDER CONSULTANT"

70 - "TOURNANT"

71 - "DOOR PERSON FOR GALAPAGOS ART SPACE"

72 - "REMOTE TRADERS (ANYWHERE)"

73 - "FRONT END / CRYSTAL REPORTS DEVELOPER"

74 - "INTERWOVEN SPECIALIST"

75 - "RANDOM POLAROIDS NEEDED OF PEOPLE ALL RACES FOR ART SHOW"

76 - "BILINGUAL GREETERS"

77 - "CPA BASED AFFILIATE MANAGER FOR NEW STARTUP ONLINE DATING SITE"

78 - "SPANISH SPEAKING BABYSITTER FOR 1YR OLD TWINS (MUST LOVE CHILDREN)"

79 - "FARSI / BENGALI / PASHTU INTERPRETERS WANTED"

80 - "ASSERTIVE WOMAN NEEDED TO SET APPOINTMENTS FOR SALES EXECUTIVE"

81 - "DO YOU HAVE MODERATE ACNE? (YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE
TO PARTICIPATE IN A 7 MONTH ACNE RESEARCH STUDY)"

82 - "IMMEDIATE OPENING FOR LEGAL ASSISTANT - FLUENCY IN KOREAN REQUIRED"

83 - "MARKETING DIRECTOR, RHEUMATORY ARTHRITIS"

84 - "IT AUDIT (TEMPORARY)"

85 - "TAPERS AND SKIM COATERS"

86 - "SEW ME A SWAG WINDOW TREATMENT"

87 - "LOOKING FOR A FEW GREAT COLD CALLERS"

88 - "UNIQUE $150,000 + OPPORTUNITY"

89 - "TOOL FOLLOW-UP ENGINEER"

90 - "SEASONAL FULFILLMENT ASSOCIATES NEEDED"

91 - "YOGA STUDIOS NEED YOU TO HAND OUT FLYERS"

92 - "SCANNER"

93 - "PERFECT NANNY POSITION"

94 - "BSA W/DATA CLEANSING, METADATA AND DBA EXP."

95 - "NAVIGATOR FOR TOUR BUS (PART TIME)"

96 - "LEAD GENERATOR"

97 - "MS SQL/SYBASE DBA FOR HEDGE FUND (IMMEDIATE HIRE)"

98 - "LOOKING FOR EXPERIENCED PASTA MAKER"

99 - "NAIL TECHNICIAN"

100 - "PRIMAVERA EXPEDITION P3e TRAINER"

101 - "GZAXA 416-AS/400 PERFORMANCE SPECIALIST"

102 - "ENTRY LEVEL-RECENT GRAD, NO IT PLEASE"

103 - "MANUGISTICS BUSINESS ANALYST"

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