There was a young lady of Kent,
Who always said just what she meant;
People said, "She's a dear,
So unique, so sincere,"
But they shunned her by common consent.
A farmer once called his cow 'Zephyr,'
She seemed such a lovable heifer.
When the farmer drew near
She kicked on his ear
And now he is very much deafer!
There was an old lady from Herm,
Who tied bows on the tail of a worm;
She said, "You look festive
But don't become restive
You'll wriggle 'em off if you squirm."
There's a clever old miser who tries
Every method to e-con-o-mize.
He said with a wink
"I save gallons of ink
By simply not dotting my i's."
There was an old man of Peru
Who dreamt he was eating a shoe.
He awoke in the night
With a terrible fright
And found it was perfectly true.
There was a young lady who tried
A diet of apples, and died.
The unfortunate miss
Really perished of this:
Too much cider insider her inside.
There was a strange lady named Harris,
Whom nothing could ever embarrass
Till the bath salts she shook
In the bath that she took
Turned out to be plaster of Paris.
There was an old codger of Broome,
Who kept a baboon in his room.
"It reminds me," he said,
"Of a friend who is dead."
But he never would tell us of whom.
There once was a lady from Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger
They came back from the ride
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
An oyster from Kalamazoo
Confessed he was feeling quite blue
"For," he said "as a rule,
When the weather turns cool
I most always get put in a stew."
A rocket explorer named Wright
Once traveled much faster than light.
He set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
A tutor who tooted the flute,
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor
Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tooters to toot?
